PURSUING YOUR HAPPINESS
I remember driving back from work in West Virginia years ago when I was debating on talking to the father of our two children and husband of 20 years about a separation. As I was driving in a blur of thoughts, I saw this sign when I entered Pennsylvania that said, “PURSUE YOUR HAPPINESS.” I had never seen that before. Pennsylvania has a new state sign with the short, but profound wreaking ball of a motto, “Pursue Your Happiness”, when you enter the state. What?! Bam! I pulled the car over and took a picture. Because, at that moment, I realized that I literally had a sign telling me what I needed to focus on…my happiness!
How do I pursue my happiness during this time? Who can help me get my thoughts together, so I don’t look back and regret what I am about to do? How can I afford this? Where do I start with telling him and the kids what was a long time in the making? Is it time to walk away? I knew it was time. I saw a sign! And, from that moment on, I decided I needed to be happy again.
This isn’t an overnight decision. We don’t want to burden the family and kids any more than we must. We have all been going through a lot over the years. The fighting, arguing, mental and physical abuse, and walking on eggshells for so long have been a burden enough. Now, it is time to end that all. The reality of it is overwhelming. Especially when we don’t even know what the reality of it will be.
So, we plan, research, cry, ask around, talk to family and friends we can trust, cry some more, talk to religious figures in our life, pray, cry till it hurts so bad we can’t function for a few days, then wait till there is one more argument or event that will push us to the point of making it real and telling them, I Do. I Did. I’m Done! We have given so many chances to make it work, do it for the kids, continue because the church will disagree, and pursue this because we hate the thought of losing family and friends. The reasons are endless. But after so many years of living like this, and the kids and marriage counselors saying it is time, I opened up my mouth and the words just flowed out, like the wine we have poured to make this pain of being unhappy fade. I want a divorce! Or let’s take some time away from each other and separate.
Shit!
Too late…
I said it!
Now what?
Ok, ladies and gentlemen, start your engines. Because if you think you lived through some crazy ass shit while you were married, wait till you see how life turns upside down in minutes. Brace yourself, for this person you have loved and had kids with, will turn into someone you don’t recognize anymore. You will question yourself as to how you married this type of person. How will he handle it? Will he flip out? Can the kids handle this? I should have planned more. I should have waited till after the holidays for the kids. We have all been through those feelings. And, I am pretty confident in saying, that most who have been through this wish they had someone there to guide them before, during, and after.
Sure, we have mental health therapists, life coaches, doctors, lawyers, church groups, friends who have been through it, and friends who have not and still want to help, God love them they have no idea. But what about someone just for me? To talk it over with and not bore my friends anymore with the same distressing conversations that they wish they could really help with. And definitely do not discuss it with our family anymore because they only like to judge, until their kids go through it. And it’s all my fault anyway because I am a woman.
A real person who is there to guide me through what I think I need, and what I want, and God knows what I deserve. To take me down a path of knowledge and insight and give it to me straight without any bull shit or telling me what I want to hear. Truth is…we don’t know what we want or need because we are in a tornado and shocked our life took the wrong path somewhere down the yellow brick road. Then we met the witch, the scarecrow, the cowardly lion, the tin man, the flying monkeys, and the not-so-all-knowing wizard who were all within ourselves.
I had to get perspective and fast. I needed…. a Divorce Coach! And this is how I have come to be one. Here to serve and guide you down the path to the Emerald City, or something like it. Which means happiness, well, eventually. It brings me happiness when I can fix others’ unhappiness, or at least show them a better way than what I did. We have a long road ahead.
Let’s get started!
